I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
