I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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