He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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