Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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