I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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