It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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