have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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