I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
