I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
