allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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