At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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