I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
