Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
