her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
