if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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