So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
