bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
