So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can't turn off my feet"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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