I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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