I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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