She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
