oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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