Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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