You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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