He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
