He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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