this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
