I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
