Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
