So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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