walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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