the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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