He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
