I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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