Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
