My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
