well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
