Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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