Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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