A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
