They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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