i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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