i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
