why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The chlamydia really affected his face.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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