He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
