There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
