Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
