okay pat passed out under dana's car
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
