What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
