so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
