it wasn't lemon gatorade
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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