So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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