im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
