Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
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I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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