Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
