Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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