Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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