I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
