listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
