Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
