fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
