I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
