My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Bring me that man meat
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
